Question & Answer with Kelly
Q: Kelly, you seem to be able to share your love of Sam with your friends; to you believe in polyamory? And, would you want to live in a communal relationship with Sam and your friends?
K: As you can see from our current lifestyle, Sam and I both believe in 'polyamory', in the sense of being able to have intimate relationships with multiple people, with each other's full knowledge and consent. It is not an 'affair', when everyone knows about it, and everything done is mutual consensual.
I don't believe that exclusivity is required to have a deep, long-term, loving relationship. (chuckling) ... but although Sam and I have explored the sexual side of some of our relationships, sex - per sé - is not a necessasry part of our desire to have close, even intimarte, relationships with other people. It is, in its most basic form, acceptance of each other's bodies, personalities, values, desires, and needs. It is sharing experiences and open communications. It doesn't have to turn into love ... but the ever-closer relationship with my friends seems to be inching closer to a 'loving' relationship between all of us. Sex may be the icing on the cake ("having your cake and 'eating' it, too!") ... but that wasn't the motivation for either Sam nor I to further develop the relationships with my friends.
In my year with Sam, I have found that 'polysexuality' is another possibility, and I think Sam is slowly coming around to this concept, also: Intimate experiences (even sex) can be enjoyed independent of gender. It is something that most heterosexual people must be very open to accept - or even try - and not everyone is turned on by straying from the norm. As you know, our life has been a continual experiment - finding ourselves, learning about each other, and exploring new horizons sexually, and in our relationships with others.
However, while polamory may be defined as "consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy," I don't think either Sam or I want to have a polygamous relationship: We value our time alone together as much or more than our time with others. It is fun to be with my friends overnight, and we will be spending a couple of weeks together in Hawaii ... but I don't want to live with them, or share Sam on a full-time basis!
And, while we can talk about our relationship with my friends becoming 'loving', I know that both Sam and I feel our relationship together is a special love; something that goes beyond just caring about each other and being intimate. We are becoming a single entity, sharing our thoughts and feelings, and - sometimes - even our friends. But I don't think that entity is going to grow to include others. (chuckling) Well, perhaps kids, someday ...
