Q: Now that you've been with Sam for several months, stayed at his house, and introduced him to your friends ... what are your current thoughts about Sam, and your future relationship with him?
A: Initially, my attraction to Sam (other than as a mentor) had to do with his openness about sex, and his creative ideas for role-playing some of our fantasies. After my first long weekend with him - when he had made love to me so romantically - I knew that I had very strong feelings for him. I didn't want to admit it was love, as I was only looking for a casual relationship ... but I now know that I'm deeply in love with this incredible man.
Sam has shown me a 'way of living' that is far beyond what I have experienced previously - in terms of openness, trust, thoughtfulness, high standards ... and sexual fulfillment. As I tried to explain to my friends, Sam lives life in a full and exciting way: He appreciates fine things, but is not overly materialistic; he is comfortable with women, but doesn't push too hard sexually; and he has very high ethical and moral standards, based on his philosophy about life. He is a complex and interesting person.
I'm now realizing that, as open as Sam claims to be, he still has some hang-ups. For example, I am ready to invite Julie to have a ménage with us, but Sam is still concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. I'm also beginning to understand that while Sam wants to be the 'top' (or 'dom') in a D/s relationship, his caring manner may preclude his being a strict 'master'; he's too concerned that he might hurt me, or go too far. But he knows that I have a safeword, and would eventually use it, if I felt he was being too hard on me.
I'm not sure where all this will lead. I will be going back to school soon, in my Ph.D. program, and will need to concentrate on that part of my life. My education and career are very important to me, and I won't let my relationship with Sam get in the way of my future success. Of course, Sam may very well help me in my career; so I really don't know how it will play out.
My hope is that Sam and I will continue to have a close and loving relationship, without any pressure to make further commitments, until I am able to do so. I think we both are looking forward to my moving in with Sam but, as he has pointed out, that might not be the optimum thing for me to do while I'm still going to school. I can see myself marrying Sam, but only after I have graduated and begun my career. (laughing) I think Sam knows that I may be his 'sex slave', but will never be the mousy little housewife that some men expect. Fortunately, I don't think that's what Sam wants.
And Sam still has concerns about our age difference. As much as I think he wants to be with me, he's still looking out for my best interest when he keeps reminding me that I should find a boy 'my own age'. I'm not as bothered by this as I used to be, as I can see his point; but I love Sam, and that should trump the issue of our age difference.
Anyway, I am still enthralled by Sam and his 'values', and I do see us together for the long-term. But whether that means marriage, continuing to have a casual relationship, or my being his 'sex slave', is difficult to determine at this stage. (laughing) I'm beginning to see a future where Sam is my sex slave. But I don't know if he would accept that kind of relationship. We're both still exploring our sexual identity and preferences - and having fun doing it; so we'll just have to see how things will work out. I'm not in any rush to find out how this story ends; I'm having too much fun along the way!