K: I don’t think I was immediately attracted to him in my parents’ kitchen, although I did see him as a possible help to my career. And, when I really looked at him, he didn’t seem that old. Only some gray ‘around the edges’. He stays really fit. When I met him at lunch those couple of times, I thought he was pretty cute – maybe, I should say ‘charming’; certainly not macho, but high energy level, intelligent … and sweet. And I didn’t yet even know the ‘advantages’ of being with an older guy! (laughing)
But the more I talked with him, and listened to some of his crazy ideas, but also his high standards, and his sensitivity, the more I came to appreciate him. Then, during that initial punishment day, we bonded. It’s difficult to explain the feeling – of closeness, and absolute trust – in someone who you had only recently met, but with whom you have shared some very intimate, non-sexual, experiences.
By our long weekend, I knew I wanted to spend time with him; be with him, and even submit to him. Then, making love with Sam that first time, how important it was to him – with the preparations that he had visualized as being ‘romantic’. He knew I would have had sex with him that first day; but he had wanted us to experience closeness, without sex. My love is growing for him, although I’m certainly aware of the age difference – as Sam keeps reminding me (intentionally, or not). We’ll just have to see what happens.